True of false part 2

I might have been too quick to hit publish on my post the other day about Bea's reality.

I have been thinking about it some more and realised I neglected to mention all the things that Bea would NOT be surprised about.

Things like the following:

- some children don't have any toys

- some people don't have any shoes

- there are some foods you just cannot get, and some people only get to eat rice

- there is another country called Thailand on the other side of that river (a totally foreign concept for most children from Australia or New Zealand)

- some children are looked after by their parents but also by their maeban (nanny).

- shoes should never be worn inside

- when you go to the park everyone will stop and say hello a bit like you are a movie star


When i look at the list from today and the list from the other day it generates a mix of emotions. I am proud of my little girl and how much she has learnt and adjusted to over the past 5 months. I feel pleased that i have been able to expose her to different ways of living and different walks of life. I smile when i think of some of the things that have come out of her mouth in response to new experiences. But i also feel a little bit sad for her. Sad that there isn't five parks in a 2 block radius anymore. Sad that she can't dip her toes in the ocean. Sad that we can't go to the park and feed the ducks. 

The reality is that life in Vientiane has many bonuses but also quite a few negatives. There is a lot of stimulation for us here, but sometimes i wonder about how much there is for small children? Everyone sends their preschoolers to school because they need to to entertain them. There is a once a week playgroup but other than that you are on your own with your toddler. No library music class, soccer, gym, story time. On one had I know that kids don't need all of those scheduled activities to be happy. They are just as likely to be happy with a cardboard box. But on the other hand, i know that if we weren't here we would be doing those things and with Bea, and she would be enjoying them. 

Anyway, i don't know why i decided to be so thoughtful on a Friday night when my brain feels slightly fried from the week at work. Perhaps its time for bed.

Melinda x

Same but different

I recently read this post on a blog that i follow about raising worldly children.

Essentially they travelled as a family to Haiti on a work trip and were amazed by how well their children coped with the conditions- the heat, the sweat, the dirt, the spicy food and the lack of toys. She was writing the post to talk about how proud she was of them.

One part of the post that really resonated with me though was trying to walk the balance between teaching your children that we are all children of the same world, while also explaining to them that they are a bit of an oddity by the fact that they look different. I have definitely had similar thoughts.

Bea may not cause much of a stir in Vientiane but she definitely stands out when we travel out of Vientiane. All of a sudden she is the only fair skinned, blondie in town and she is constantly surrounded, pinched, touched, stroked. How do you explain to a 2 year old that she is different and that makes her exciting to the locals. That she was lucky to be born where she was born in the world, and that she is lucky to have so much when others have so little? I guess you can try. And hope that the experience of living over here will become a part of who she is.

When we were in Champasack we visited a local village that was literally full of children. It was dusty, hot, and there was a bit of a mexican standoff. Bea and her pal were looking at the locals wondering why they were so dust covered and not really wearing clothes. And the locals were wondering who these blonde haired fair skinned children were. And probably why they had shoes on their feet.

Choosing an overseas preschool

Before we even got to Laos we thought that we would enrol Bea in some kind of school. At 2 years of age she was definitely ready for some experiences out of the home environment.

The main reason we wanted her to attend school was for her social development. Bea can be incredibly friendly around people she knows well, and the complete opposite to those who she does not know. This is her, and we love her for it. But a few encounters away from us, to see how other kids are interacting and playing together was a goal.

Finding a preschool overseas is tricky. Firstly, there is a real lack of information online, or information in general. Most of what we know about the schools here has been from work of mouth. At first glance you would think that only having a handful of schools to choose from would make the choice easier but in fact I beg to differ. Having only a few schools to choose from means that everyone we meet has a child at one of them and consequently has an opinion. Unlike in Auckland where every child was undoubtedly at a different place, this makes for more comparisons.

The other difficulty was that they all had pros and cons. Resources, language, expenses (a lot more than standard kindergartens in Australia/ NZ), quality of teachers, teaching methods etc. In Vientiane there are a handful of international schools, including Vientiane international school (VIS) but Bea is too young for any of their kindergarten classes. So that left us with essentially 3 main choices: 2 Montessori schools and a french school. All three of them had something we liked and something we didn't like. And all of them have issues with training, and certification.

In the end we enrolled Bea in the French preschool for a couple of reasons.

1. It was a pretty nurturing environment
2. Most of the kids were 2 years old (at the Montessori there were 6 year olds and we thought Bea would be a bit intimidated)
3. The main teacher speaks fluent French, English and Lao so although the bulk of group activities are in French there is someone who could explain things to Bea in English if need be.
4. The outdoor area has a lot of shade
5. Bea might just pick up a little bit of french!

Bea has now been at the school for over a month and so far so good. She can now count to ten in 4 languages (English, Spanish, French and Lao FYI) and is constantly singing songs in French (although we have no idea what she is saying so cannot correct her mumbled lyrics!) She is still shy and is often stuck to the teachers hip but she enjoys the time there and is excited when she comes home.

Would you enrol your children in a school that has a language other than your own?

Why Laos?

Why Laos?

This is one of the more common questions that we get asked. I understand, it’s a fairly obscure place to choose to live. The answer is, that really it chose us.

Many of you know that I have always wanted to go and do some work overseas. Even before I went into medicine. Maybe this is because of my upbringing moving around and living in Indonesia. Maybe not. Regardless, it was definitely something high on my list of life priorities.

The difficulty was working out when the right time was. Initially after graduation I had thought that my first overseas experience would be with a large humanitarian organisation such as MSF, Medecins Sans Frontieres. However, it never really felt like the right time. At first I didn’t seem experienced or confident enough. Then I was getting married and doing my masters. Then I decided to sit my paediatric exams, and then I had a baby. The list goes on.

Finally it dawned on me. There never really is a perfect time. And if I didn’t do it now, the time may pass and I would literally be kicking myself that I hadn’t achieved one of my life priorities. It was around this time, as I scanned the web for inspiration (more on this another time) that this job popped up in my inbox. I remember getting a little flutter of excitement and thinking- this job is exactly what I am looking for. I’d even been to Laos before, albeit briefly, and thought it would be a great place to go and work.

And why was it exactly what I was looking for? Well, it ticked all of our boxes. These will be different for you than they are for me but this was our list: interesting work that could count towards my paediatric training, safe country (ie. Not a war zone), and family friendly. We didn't really even care what continent it was in. It was more about the job and it being safe to take little kids. 

The rest, as they say, is history. Here we are. I usually joke and tell people that all it took to win Joff over was to recount my 48 hours in Laos filled with Beer Lao, and chocolate croissants. However, on a more serious note we did have a good hard think about whether to do it or not after I had been offered the job Thankfully for me I have a very supportive husband who was willing to give it a go.

I’m curious, if you were going to go abroad, where would you go and live? What would be on your wish list?